"Forgiving Not Forgetting"

A Sermon by
The Reverend Bill Clark

Friday evening at sunset marked the beginning of the Jewish Holy Day of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. It is the holiest day in the Jewish calendar year. On this day the belief is that God opens the Book of Life and, after examining people's lives and their repentance of the previous ten days, beginning with Rosh Hashanah, God writes a final decision on their future. The book is then closed until the next year. The Yom Kippur greeting is, "Have a good signature." May God note your repentance, your reconciliation and inscribe your name in the book of life.

Rabbi Lieberman, of the Falmouth Jewish Congregation on Cape Cod, summarizes the High Holy Days as follows; "The intervening days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are characterized by the obligation to do the work of turning one's life around. There is intense introspection and attempts to reconcile one's failings in the past with one's desire to be a better human being in the New Year."

One of the central themes of these ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, or the Days of Awe, is forgiveness and reconciliation. Every Jewish person is expected to spend time in serious self-examination to reconcile the past so they may look ahead to the future and see what other things the days have to (offer) give them.

Young Patrick grew up in an urban neighborhood. It was there he was taught these lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation. He was taught them by his sister's elegant and stately piano teacher, Mrs. Boutellon. Patrick was very young, first grade or so when he had a run in with some, as he described them, "second grade thugs." They had run by and pushed him face first into a snow bank. Not really a life threatening encountered. But surely a great indignity at that age and he sat there on the stoop crying great tears of outrage, anger and frustration. Mrs. Boutellon had witnessed the incident from her upstairs window. She came down and collected young Patrick from the stoop, brushing away the snow and tears from his face. She brought him up to her kitchen for a cup of hot cocoa and fussed over him and cared for him in a way that seemed to right the world again for this young first grader.

"You are angry at these boys for what they did to you, Patrick, and it is natural for you to feel that way. But now you must let it go. This day has other things to give you." (2x) When Patrick grew up, grew up to become a UU minister, and related his encounter with his neighbor, Mrs. Boutellon, to this mother she added; "that sounds just like her. You know don't you that the Boutellons were both survivors of the Nazi death camps in the War? Patrick didn't know.

This day has other things to give you? Imagine hearing this from a survivor of the concentration camps? This day as other things to give you.

Besides the hurts and indignities of an unfair world, this day has other things to give you. Besides the anger that you want to carry in your heart for all the wrongs done to you.this day has other things to give you. If you are ready to let go of your anger, to forgive the past events, this day has other things to give you!

The beautiful lesson taught here to young Patrick is the simple and difficult lesson of forgiveness. To intentionally move from the place of woundedness, letting go of the woundedness, letting go of the hurt feelings we harbor from the woundedness and leaving it in our past in order to receive the gifts of the future.

Forgiveness. It is never an easy task. It is never an effortless endeavor. Yet it is a necessary movement from a place of pain, anger and brokenness to a place of healing, health and wholeness. Forgiveness.

Now I can remember standing here in this very pulpit some years ago and telling you that as your minister I would never say to you that one must forgive. That forgiveness was not absolutely necessary. And yet, now as I become older and hopefully gain somewhat more wisdom along this journey of life, I believe that forgiveness is, forgiveness is absolutely and positively necessary. And I say this because the act of forgiveness is at the very center of its reasoning, an act of self-respect, an act of self-love and an act of self-care. Forgiveness is not about doing something for someone else. Forgiveness is not about releasing someone else from his or her words, deeds or actions. Forgiveness is solely about doing a loving and healing action for one self. It is a gift to one self. It is the permission we give ourselves to let go of the pain of the past to see what the days in the future have to give us. It is letting go of the pain so that pain does not define us for the future.

Imagine for a moment that someone has said something to you, perhaps said hateful words of abuse. Or even worst their actions were painful, harmful actions of abuse. And you say, I will never forgive you as long as I live. I will never forgive you as long as I live. Who are you harming? This person harmed you; hurt you and now they are gone. Their words or actions happened once. And now for your entire whole life you hold on to these actions or words. And in so doing the abuse continues and continues. Your anger continues and continues. Who are you harming? Who are you hurting? Not the person who said these hateful and harmful things. They are gone. You are the one still being harmed. You are the one still being hurt.

Forgiveness is letting all that go. Forgiveness is releasing those feelings of anger and pain, releasing them out of love and care for yourself. Why should I carry these words of abuse around with me any longer? This was an ignorant person who said these things to me. Why should I feel anger towards an ignorant person? All I can feel is compassion. They are ignorant. May they see the light amidst their darkness of ignorance. With this change the feelings you have generated are not ones of anger or animosity. They are of love and compassion. This is forgiveness.

Now forgiveness is not forgetting. We do not forget these words or actions. But we do not hold to them either so they begin to define us and control us. Forgiveness means I will not be nailed to a spot in the past from which I can never move again. Yes, these words or actions were done to me. But I release them so I may see what other things, the day and my life have to give me.

Within my own life, as I look back and face the indignities and wounds of my past, I do not forget the terrible childhood abuses which occurred. I do not and cannot forget them. But, I do move forward, I must move forward to a place of forgiveness because I am worth it. My actions of forgiveness are actions of self-respect, self-care and self-love. I will not allow my past to define my present. This is Forgiveness.

Was it easy work? No, not at all. Was it necessary work? Absolutely. In forgiving my perpetrators I release the hold they once had over me. I released the anger, sorrow and pain and literally felt it leave my body. I felt free! Forgiveness is about freedom. It is about moving from a place where one is shackled to the pains of the past and moving towards that place of agape, love seeking to preserve and create, to preserve and create a place of human love, care and community. "Forgiveness does not wipe away guilt, but invites reconciliation." Reconciliation. A timely topic as well.

This past week we Americans gathered together once again creating a sense of community. A needed sense of community as we reflected on an important anniversary. As the first anniversary of the tragedies of 9-11 came upon us we rallied from coast to coast, playing patriotic songs, waving and wearing our patriotic colors and reflected on the great sense of loss we all felt one year ago.

I could not help but wonder through all of this past week, where we are as a people, where we are as a nation in this concept of forgiveness? I use the word concept here because perhaps we are only at this stage of forgiveness. Forgiveness as a concept. Perhaps we are not ready or willing to see it as an action. And if we were, what would forgiveness look like in regards to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001? (2X)

This past week the images have been played and replayed on the media. There are now names and faces to be placed with the over 3,000 lives that were lost. Names that were read aloud in New York, Washington and Shanksville, PA. Yet, I ask again, what would the act of forgiveness look like in regards to the terrorist attacks of 9-11? And perhaps more importantly what would the act of forgiveness feel like?

I raise these questions as I observed my own reactions to these events, both this week and one year ago.

As I attempted to sit my hours in meditation right after September 11th of last year, I could not get the images of what I had witnessed on TV out of my mind. The more I tried to be aware of my breath or sensations, the only thing my mind was aware of, were images of planes crashing into buildings. The images of people running frightened sacred. The images of people jumping to their own deaths. And now this year, as we head stories from those who survived, we heard more detailed accounts of what was going on inside these buildings. We heard first hand accounts of what people actually experienced, panic and terror. We heard first hand accounts of what people actually felt, lost and trapped. And we heard first hand accounts of what people actually heard, screams and explosions.

These stories played and replayed in my head once again as I sat to meditate. The most frightening image I think is the one I had, from my own imagination mind you, of the planes coming at the towers, the people perhaps seeing them, running, frightened, terrified, dying. I began to see their faces, faces of terror and pain. I tried generating metta, feelings of lovingkindness and compassion to the faces I saw. I had to stop meditating. I could not get these images out of my mind.

I could not get these faces out of my mind. I could not get these faces out of my mind.. until the faces of the hijackers, the men who were actually flying these planes came into my mind's eye. I began to see their faces. The terror, anger, vengeance and fear in their eyes as they flew these planes to their death and the death of thousands of others.

In Buddhism it is taught that if there is an abuser and a victim, you naturally have compassion for the victim. But you have more compassion for the abuser as he is doing more harm to himself out of ignorance, anger and fear. So with that in my mind and heart, my thought of metta turned toward the hijackers who were flying these missiled planes. I focused my attention on their faces and their eyes as they guided these passenger planes towards destruction and death. I focused my attention on their faces and their eyes and suddenly my heart began to open and the tears began to fall.

Out of such hatred and ignorance these miserable men rained such devastation and destruction on so many fellow human beings. And yet these miserable and ignorant men brought such devastation and destruction upon themselves as well. Devastation and destruction not only in this lifetime for themselves but also in numerous life times to come. The amount of anger and hatred they generated can only come back to harm them ten-fold. What else could I feel but love and compassion for them? Out of their misguided and ignorant interpretation of their own faith they brought death and destruction to thousands.

Yes, I feel catacombs of compassion for the families and everyone who died or was hurt that awful day. And yet I must feel more compassion for the ones who caused such pain. Is this forgiveness? I don't know. It is movement in the right direction. Movement that feels right, movement that feels releasing, movement that feels whole. And a movement that brings peace. The prophet Jesus, after being tortured and nailed to the cross to die, cried out in love, "forgive them, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing."

Can we begin to do the same?

Rabbi Karyn Kedar writes in her book, God Whispers:

"It is called forgiveness because you give away anger and resentment. To surrender your anger is not to capitulate, or to lose ground or to give in. Surrender to a softer place, a place of peace, not strife. At this moment of surrender, you realize the beauty of your own path. That it was not only the obvious blessing that helped your life emerge, but also the struggle. When anger is replaced by forgiveness, you are free to let love guide your life."
My friends, may love guide your life towards this place of forgiveness, this place of peace and this place of release. Forgiveness is an act of self-love and self care. Do it for yourself. Do it. Invite the power of agape, the power of love to heal your wounds and give you the gift of forgiveness. Do it so that we may give our world a better chance of survival.

May you all have a good signature in the book of Life.

Blessed be.